adreamersgirl

There comes a time in every person's life when you just have to let go. An area where we both have a problem, right sweetie?

My bestfriend and I were talking last night about stuff and she made me realize a lot of things. I was telling her a story about this person from the past that I seem to be unbelievably hung up on, then she suddenly goes, you really love him noh? Actually her exact words were "Mahal mo talaga si....." (it seems to have more depth when spoken in filipino) And I was like, "uhh.. thanks ha! Where the hell did that come from?" And she was all.. "Because little things like seeing a place that you know he's been, counting windows on his building or even just simply passing by that damn place give you this feeling of extreme high. And people can actually see it. You seem so happy. Plus there's this factor that you actually cry when you see a picture of him." Okaay.... she was right. But at this point in my life I didn't really need to her to tell me that I love him. I know I do.. But it seems easier for me to deny it to everybody else and especially to myself.

And now I wake up feeling more depressed than ever, I go online and read and see things that I know I shouldn't have. God I just feel so hurt and broken. Can somebody please take this pain away... But I know that no one else can take the pain away except for him. It's like what my professor said, "Sometimes, the person that gives you joy is also the same person that gives you pain"

I have never felt so much pain and hurt caused by a man. Maybe he was doing me a favor by getting out of my life because he somehow thought that he was messing it up so much. But I honestly think that he was clueless. Moron. Ayni said that I should've told him the truth that time when I had the chance and I was like, "Chance? What chance?! He fucking passed out!" okay that cracked us up. Then she said that I should've have told him the morning after. But then the moment already passed.

Arrgh.. My thoughts are all distorted. I need to get my act back together pretty soon because this whole thing is starting to affect my schoolwork. Putangina talaga! I can't take anymore of this.

Ayns... bring on the tabs! hehehe that seems to be our favorite line nowadays.